Festive Farmyard Frolics

It is always interesting to visit the water trough, and how lovely now it is decked with holly and ivy. Unlike the misunderstanding at last year's Christmas party when Holly decked Ivy. Two pieces of news reached me during my latest visit.

Festive frolics in the main farm did not really get off the ground this year as workers chose in their dozens not to attend the Christmas party. Undaunted, the village council arranged for cattle trucks to transport workers from the main farm to the Christmas party arranged at one of its outposts more than a hundred miles away. The poor party-goers put on a brave face and a bit of tinsel as they dodged the cattle prods to help them on their way.

Many problems have been encountered with the new farmyard call centre. Some of the difficulties are caused by the sophisticated voice recognition system. These struggle at the best of times, but are really put to the test when callers are a little bit affected by their use of alcohol. I have suggested a simple solution. Callers could be asked to make animal noises to indicate the department they wish to be put through to. For example, moo-ing will get them through to Business Information (see earlier posts regarding milk production), and baa-ing will put them in touch with someone from senior management. I have a sneaky suspicion that the council is controlled by a sheep's head wired into the electronic mega message machine - cutting edge bio-infomatics. But not much good for cutting the hedges and keeping the grass down.