Carol Service

They have decked the barns with holly and ivy. The choir are in fine voice, helped by the special Christmas scrumpy laced with rum. We know how to celebrate down on the farm - pink elephants are the least of our worries when everything is in the pink.

However, we have had some problems Septfordising the traditional carols and I would be grateful for suggestions. We have to remember that our Mayor wears his robes of mortality as though they are beneath him. We have changed the final line of the chorus of "Oh Come all Ye Faithful" to "Oh come let us adore him, our lovely Mayor". We tried changing "Away in a Manger" to "Away with the Manager", but then had problems with the scanning and the whole system crashed - probably because there were no competent managers left. We covered "Oh Little Town of Septfordlem" earlier - in a blanket of snow. "Shark! the Herald Angels Sing" was given a rousing rendition during the dress rehearsal, recalling the predatory nature of the age. It is rumoured that (Thames) estuary sharks are amongst the most ferocious. "In the Bleak Midwinter" needs no changing at all.